Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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