Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
