Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
