I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
