did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i barfeds in our rink
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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