it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
