are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
