Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
