All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
