she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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