Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
