Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
