I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize