Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
