This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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