girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
