Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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