Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
