to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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