Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
