dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
