I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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