so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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