I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
