Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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