If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
