I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
