Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
