the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
