I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
