Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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