I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
