When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
