Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
