facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We are all done wearing pants today
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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