Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
