I wanna passion pit in your ass
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
