Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
