I think im going to throw up on grandma
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
