I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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