I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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