So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
