2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
