i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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