U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
