i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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