We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
