soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
