I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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