i already hear my dad disowning me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
