Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
