I CAN MOONWALK!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
