and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
