he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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