Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
