I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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