I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
