well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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